So, lately I've been thinking a lot about my parenting. Everyone says I'm a good mom, but am I? I feel pretty selfish most of the time. I try to do things first for myself, but make it look like I'm doing it for the kids. For instance, I like schedules and routines. So both of my children sleep through the night and my 2 year old still stays in his room even if he's awake in the morning. Sometimes I don't get him out of bed on time because I'm too busy dinking around on the computer. I purposely get up 2 hours before the kids so I can get "my" time in. I like to exercise, do my Bible study and catch up on the computer. Is there anything wrong with that? No, but sometimes I waste my time and those things get pushed farther into the day which is time I need to be spending with my son (especially). Also, both of my children are not cuddly. Yep, even the baby. Is it because I'm so wrapped up on my schedule that I don't take time to just sit with them? No, I do sit with them, but they just want to move all the time. I know that with having one I spent a whole lot more time cuddling and reading and laying on the floor. But with 2 kids and one of them a talker and a mover, it's hard to just relax. I always feel like I'm on the go and I'm forever behind in housework and meal preps. I'm working on streamlining those projects so I can take the time to relax and play with my kids. But I must admit I'm a workaholic. I had to force myself last week not to do ANY work on my birthday. How bizarre is that? Work makes me feel good and accomplished. But this last week, actually on my birthday, our pastor's sermon was about what healthy families do. I listened, took notes and I want to apply these things to my life right now! I don't want to let the days pass with me meeting my needs. I need to think about my family.
Here is a snippet of what stood out to me:
There are 4 verbs- Love, Limit, Enjoy and Pray.
One area that I need to work on is how I limit (set boundaries). I have quick emotions that rise and my son is the same way. I get angry very quickly and my response are very reactive rather than proactive. I am working on remaining calm and quietly setting those boundaries. This is hard, but I know it will pay off in the end. I want to teach my son how to respond and right now I don't feel that I'm a very good example.
I also want to enjoy more. I grew up with a sister and so some of the ways my son likes to play is totally foreign to me. But I'm learning and it's so much fun to hear him laugh. The other day I had both kids on my knees and did some bouncing rhymes. I'm trying to hug and kiss them as often as I can. This is not hard, but sometimes I'm so busy I don't take the time to really hold them! They are growing up so fast and I don't want to regret anything.
This week I've been praying for my son with the 21 Days of Prayers for Sons Warrior Prayer Challenge and my heart is changing. I want to raise up my son to be a godly man and I can do that right now by praying for him.